Jesus said, “Take the blank out of your own eye before you take the splinter out of another’s eye.”
Many recognize the commandment not to judge and at the same time acknowledge God’s gift of free will. Then, then they spend the rest of their lives judging and trying to take this free will away. (God, at least, refrains from judging until you die.)
They do this by labeling an attitude or certain conduct as a sin and, in so doing, they believe that this gives them the right not just to judge their own actions but to judge others and impose extrinsic costs on those who disagree with them or violate their beliefs.
What is meant by extrinsic costs is that to prevent a person from committing what they believe is sin, they inflict emotional or physical pain. They do this by depriving the “sinner” of one or more needs outlined by Maslow which have nothing to do with the disagreement.
For example, a gay person growing up in a religious family may be threatened with withdrawal of safety and security needs by being kicked out of the house; belonging needs by having parental love withdrawn or being kicked out of a church; or regard needs by telling them that they are bad even though there are no natural consequences of harming another.
This is a classic case of conflict where one person tries to force you to choose between needs—in this case, between sex and sexual intimacy versus safety and security, belonging and regard needs. We are not created to have to choose between needs.
This is not to say that a person cannot believe that homosexuality is wrong for him or herself and live by that standard. It is when they say others must agree with them and impose these extrinsic costs to gain conformity that they violate the concept of self-determination.
It would be just as wrong for the gay son or daughter to try to force others, including family members, to believe that homosexuality for that family member is not a sin. Respecting each other’s beliefs is the key even if there is a disagreement.
Everyone is born with the right of self-determination (free will). Only the person making a decision can weigh the consequences of his or her actions and only the person making the decision has to live with the consequences of those decision be they natural or supernatural.
Not only is it possible to live side by side with another with opposing values, it is essential that we do so for the sake of peace, cooperation and harmony.